I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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