I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
