you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
