I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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