She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
