dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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