R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
