Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
