There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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