My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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