yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
