2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
