he puts the penis in happiness.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize