dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
