Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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