If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
