She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
