i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
