Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
