whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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