Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
