I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize