Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
not ubering you a puppy
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
