There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
