Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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