At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
