drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
