Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
