Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
