i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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