she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
