Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
