He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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