Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
