Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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