I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
