Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
