Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
