I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
