and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
