So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
