I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
