OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
love makes seman taste better
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
