He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize