p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
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