So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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