i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I have aggressive nipples.
Randomize
