my phone needs a breathalizer
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
