dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
