Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
