well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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