I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
