There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
