I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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