Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
