My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
