i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
