I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
