He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
