Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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