I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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