"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
