I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
