apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Is Oprah even human
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize