She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
