I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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