never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
