Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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