he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize