I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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