I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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