I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize