Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
