I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
