is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
