would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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