apparently the secret to your success is patron
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
If its not for food we ain't going out.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
