Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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