Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize