i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
