Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize