Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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