Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
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