All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
