Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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