It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize