i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
