the day after is always just damage control
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
