Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
