Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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