Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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