There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
