so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
