rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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