I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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